Wedding Guestbook

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After working on it for about a couple weeks, I just ordered the guestbook for our wedding!  The best part was I only paid $6.99 for shipping since I got a free deal at Shutterfly with Travelzoo.  Praise the Lord for making this affordable for us; it certainly is better than getting a dollar-store guestbook with boring white lined pages!  I see here that I can post to Blogger, and because I haven't posted this week, here is what it looks like!

I put in photos from the engagement sessions shot by my friends, Camille, Eric, and even some of the candids that Kebs took in the summer.  I thought it was pretty bare, so I added some of our favourite Bible verses, then finished it off by embellishing pages with clip art/stamps.  I quite enjoyed the process of putting this photobook together, which not only was an opportunity for Darryn and I to work together, but also allowed me to employ some artistic intuition and attention to detail to create a satisfying finished product!  Please sign it the day of!

McDK It-Words

Some of you know that there are 3 guiding words for our wedding planning:  growth, joy and majesty.  This came about when Aaron, a brotha from another motha but the same Father, was asking us to give him 3 inspiration words to help him design our "logo" which we will use for our wedding imagery.  Read on for deets on how these and a couple other words got conceived!

GROWTH.  When we were discerning a theme for the wedding, God didn't show us colours like those on peacock feathers or a certain style like rustic boho glam.  Instead, He gave us the word, "growth." "Growth" appropriately speaks to our past, present, and our future.  DK and I grew up together and knew each other as children, as adolescents and now as adults.  It is also something we notice that is happening lately, as God cultivates our spiritual lives through his Spirit's work in our church community.  It's also something we get to do together as a married couple--grow old together, and grow stuff too, like kids, and/or other fruit.  We have been seeking resources on what a Biblical marriage looks like, and we agree with all of the textbook answers, including the purpose to be fruitful and multiply.

While "growth" would be an inspiration word for our wedding/marriage and relationships with our friends and family, we still wanted to search for an image or motif, something that could be used in our wedding stationery.  I browsed thousands of designs in various wedding invitation printing websites.  I saw all sorts of florals, geometric shapes, damask designs, filigrees, monograms, circus-y things, elegant script, birds, birdcages, tandem bicycles, trees...  The choices are endless and they're all really nice-looking! The main concern was how to make this wedding unique and also glorifying to God, using a recurring image to appear in invitations, programs, slideshows, and maybe even the event decorators.  We and our two prayer partners Renee and Kevin prayed about this in our first McDK prayer meeting.  Later on, since Darryn and I liked trees, I google searched "trees: in the Bible.  Is there a particular tree that God favours?  Do people compare God to a tree?  Does God liken himself to a tree?  Nothing much within the context of marriage or community solid came up.  But then I read John 15:1-17 when Jesus says (the bold is my own emphasis on the parts that jumped out at me when I read it)...

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.  My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other..."  

VINE.  Apparently, vine imagery is starting to become a thing in bridal fashion.  I've seen intricate vine beadwork done in the latest Pronovias gowns.  But it's not because vines are so haute right now!  We knew we wanted the image/motif to be something nature-inspired and organic, something that grows, like a tree. When we came across this passage where Jesus metaphorically describes himself as the vine from which all other branches (that's us, his people) spring from, and how the Father is the gardener, we got excited because it is exactly what we were looking for!  First, our something nature piece was fulfilled:  VINES.  Second, it metaphorically yet explicitly states who Jesus is, who the Father is and who we are in relation to one another as disciples.  Third, because marriage is concerned with bearing fruit, Jesus talks about how to do that and to and bring glory to God.  Fourth, how can you not have a Bible passage central to your marriage without it talking about love?  It contains the greatest commandment of all, to love one another.  And what sealed the deal for me was that, fifth, I actually used verse 13 from above for my testimony to share in our STM to India last July.  Before this, I did not realize that it is in the same context as the vines passage (blonde moment)!  Oh, one more thing.  Lastly, it talks about JOY, which is something we also hope to share with our guests during the wedding.

"This is to my Father's glory..." (verse 8):  MAJESTY.  We are passionate about exalting God's name on our wedding day.  One thing that doesn't sit well with me is when I am told that it's my wedding and I can do whatever I want.  Yes, I agree that it is a chance to call the shots on many things, but, first of all, it's not my wedding; my name is not Narcissus and I am not marrying myself to myself.  It's our wedding, Darryn and I.  Second and greatest of all, it's not actually about us; it really really is God's wedding, amen?  Amen!!!  It is God who brought us together and God who will keep us together.  It's His unconditional love for and faithfulness to us, not our fallible faith and love for each other, that has carried DK and I through.  Like it is written in Psalm 126:3, "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy."

JOY (verses 10-11).  Some people just want to be happy.   Happiness is a common goal in life.  But wouldn't it be great to be at a very awesome place that doesn't depend upon our present circumstance and emotions?  Even though I want it to be, wedding planning is not all butterflies, flowers, glitter and flouncy things.  Despite the unforeseen trials and stresses that wedding planning is bringing, we hold on to the hope and press on forward with gladness knowing that God is our help.  Joy is one of the fruit of the Father's Spirit and one which we are excited to share with guests at our wedding (and those whom we encounter in our marriage), for "every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights..." (James 1:17).

One more it-word:  COMMUNITY.  It's not one of the 3 inspiration words but that's because it's important anyway.  It's like how in Balinese there's no direct translation for the English word, "art" because it's just part of everyday life (read that somewhere, maybe a Lonely Planet tourist guide book).  It need not be said because it's obvious!  Why are we having the kind of wedding we are having with the 200+ people?  Because we want to be surrounded by a body of Christ who have grown us (our family) and continue to grow us (our church and its strive for discipleship).  Brothers and sisters, we want to worship our Heavenly Father with you on July 19, 2014.  Come!  Watch out for glimpses of growth, majesty and joy!

A Window Into My Soul: Towards Marriage

I hope you enjoyed the video that Jenn was able to capture just seconds after DK ninja'ed his marriage proposal question!

I was going to blog about something else, but this ended up being my testimony.  In terms of English composition, I give this one a B.  I can spend a while to refine transitions between chunks of texts and make it less stream-of-consciousness-like.  I am quite a perfectionist, and trust me, I really, really, really want to edit this, but for some reason, the sense of urgency to take this post out of the "drafts" section and finally post it publicly is taking precedence.  Maybe I will go back to edit this, but without further ado, here it is!

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As a younger girl, I wasn't concerned with what my wedding would look like so much as who I would be meeting up at the altar.  Who is that faceless blur in a suit next to the pastor?  Who is that man that God wants me to be with?  Does He even want me to be married?  I think He does...  I really wanted to know and so, I went my own way searching.  To cut a long story short, I thought I found and got what I wanted, not once but twice, only to come out of it with unintended but serious destruction; I hurt others, and I was left damaged in the process.  The futile self-initiated, self-powered search proved to be...bad.  I expected a partner and I ended up with half of myself.  

Chick flicks about finding "love" no longer had an appeal.  The excitement of when guy and girl meet (ooooooohhh), the butterflies in the stomach during the first date (omgomgomgogmo), the cutesy things the guy does (the fumbling over the salt and pepper shakers), the first kiss (um, ew!), the happily ever after (applause)...nothing but illusionsllusionsusionssions (echo fades to silence).  My own experience with relationships and my observations of marriages nearest to me, regardless of whether they were successful or not, did not contain movie-like romanticism in how they actually played out day-to-day.  I realized that in order for real life relationships to work, it takes this thing called commitment in order to make it last.  And most of the time, it really, really sucked and (because the relationship I was in at the time was emotionally abusive and the marriages I've seen closely have fallen apart and continue to fall apart) being with someone in the long run is a rather unpleasant, even gruelling  thankless and dissatisfying endeavour that eats up every little piece of the souls who are in it.  As a hopeless romantic, this was a shattering realization.

One day while I was living in Indonesia, I was talking to my big sister from another mother but the same Father, Dini, about relationships as she had recently gotten engaged.  She said something that blew my mind.  We were having a snack in the school's small kitchen one day after classes (yep, I once taught elementary):  "Michelle, you are His daughter!  Do you not believe that he has the best guy in store for you??"  In other words, do you believe that it is His will to have the best in store for you, immeasurably more than you could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20)?  This changed the way I thought about companionship, marriage, and life in general.  It was a wakeup call that said:  Snap out of your disbelief and cynicism.  God is good to all who are faithful to Him (Psalm 100:5).  He cares about the small things in your life, He knows every hair on you head (Matthew 10:30),He knows about your comings in and my goings out (Psalm 121:8).  How much more (Matthew 6:30) would he care about the bigger things (Psalm 121:7) like your marriage, oh you of little faith?  Do I really believe it?

Later on in the year I went through the quarter-life crisis. Mine went a little something like this.  Strike one:  I came back with my heart torn into pieces.  I just got broken up with by being told I am no longer loved, or never really "loved" in "that" kind of way to begin with, because "that" kind of love was discovered with someone else.  Strike two:  I was at a "transition" in my career, which is a euphemism for joblessness and lack of direction.  Strike three:  I returned to Vancouver in time to pack the contents of the home where my family lived together.  We divide them into 3 piles, because all 3 of us (parents and I) were going to start to living in 3 different places (read: divorce, ET no home to phone/MC no "home" to go home to).  I got struck out in the old game of life.  I was suffering from multiple losses and dealing with grief.  If you go to this website it's half the stuff they listed in that bulleted list:  shattered home, no job, no financial security, broken heart/loss of a friendship, parents' divorce, loss of a dream, selling the family home all at the same time.  This was pretty much all happening at the same time.  Throw in my hospitalization in Indonesia earlier in the year into the mix and I'm pretty sure life cannot possibly get any worse than this.

Everything I once held dear, I count them all as loss (Philippians 3).  How can I count everything I once held dear as a true loss?  This song is my heart's devotion (I urge you to shut your door and turn down your lights while you watch and listen):

...Lead me to the cross where your love poured out.  Bring me to my knees, Lord, I lay me down.  Rid me of myself, I belong to you.  Lead me, lead me to the cross.  Lead me to your heart....

In a time of guided reflection one Sunday at church (thanks, Pastor Sam!), Jesus met with me.  With open arms, He said, "Michelle, let me love you."  Tears ran down my face and mucus ran down my nose but I tried to play it cool because there were people beside me. This was when I realized that all my life, I was looking for love in all the wrong places.  The love I've been looking for, the love that I need, the love that sustains me is with God the Father, through His son Jesus.  As a hopeless romantic, this was the best thing to know and receive; the Good News, if you will!  Endless mercy, abounding grace, and steadfast love!  When I was searching for who that special someone would be up at the altar, I was looking for someone who thinks everything of me, who'd do anything for me, who'd make sacrifices for me, who would die for me, so I can live life to the fullest. In the Gospel it says, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends" (John 15:13).  That's what my God, Jesus did.  What's mind blowing is the very fact that He is God, and yet, He'll come meet with us in our greatest time of need.  He's a down-to-earth kind of God (the best kind of God, if you ask me)!  He loves, for no reason, outside of reason.

How was I able to move on from rock bottom without even flinching, without looking back?  It was knowing that God has great plans for me, His daughter, plans greater than I could ever imagine.  Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favourites, when Jeremiah writes, "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Also, I knew that because I was so empty, God filled me with His unfaltering strength and poured out His unfailing love over me in very tangible ways.  I had no home to go to, God gave me shelter at the Clayhouse.  Through His graciousness, KevinShay my landlord made my rent super affordable.  I had no job nor was I even looking for one, but God gave me two out of nowhere.  I was alone, and God got my friends to pray for me.  My heart was broken, but someone (Darryn) was nonetheless willing to be my boyfriend (ew!).  Some might say that it's just a bunch of coincidences, but I know that every good and perfect gift is from the Father (James 1:17)!

God gives, he takes away, and he gives again.  Within Christianity there is talk about being reborn, and it was like that for me.  It's like in Greek mythology, a young phoenix rising out of the ashes of its predecessor, which, by the way, according to Wikipedia became a popular metaphor for the Early Christians.  The death of one is life-giving for another.

I can say that I am definitely not the same person as I was 3 or so years ago.  I'm slowly but surely learning what it means to live as a follower of Jesus did and how.  The best part is that it doesn't feel like something I'm obliged to do, but something that I want to do.  I've identified myself as a Christian before but I never wanted to read the Bible or pray or live a "Christian-like" life.  I remember praying about this maybe 2 years ago(?), pleading God to help me be "salt and light."  Now, I acknowledge the Holy Spirit's divine work in changing my heart, aligning my own will to God's will for me and transforming my priorities.  I'm reminded of the truth in Matthew 6:33, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."  You just have to have faith in God, allow the Spirit to do its thang, let Jesus love you, and everything else like reading the Bible, praying, being part of a community, living as you ought to live for God, and so on, God will take care of for you.

Some of you at Path asked me "What about Darryn?" after I shared my testimony last April.  I wasn't able to answer because the guy cut off everyone else's question and asked me to marry him, which, by the way I said, "of course I will!" to.  If marriage is a manifestation of God's love for his people, being with Darryn so far has allowed me to glimpse what that's like:  the unconditional love, the abounding grace, all those good things.  Sign me up with you, Da(wg)!  I am 110% down for marrying Darryn for many reasons, but what sets him apart is that he aims to be set apart, that is, to be holy.  His simple yet grounded faith, generosity, and desire to obey Jesus' teachings has allowed him to grow so much even within the last year!  If as a wife I ought to submit, best to do so to a man who strives for God's goodness and righteousness!  It has helped that not only did we grow up together, we had similar upbringing and experiences, which is why we are so alike in many ways.  When it comes to the present, the desires of our hearts are the same, and for the future, our lives' trajectories are headed in the same direction.  Our mission to put God first in our lives, to grow in His love each day, and to bear fruit are things that we both look forward to doing together as one.  We don't know exactly what it is going to look like (maybe a whole soccer team, if so, God have mercy on me!!!!), we are young and relatively clueless, and, coming from broken families, the odds are against us.  We are both very aware that it is not going to be all "happily ever after" like it is in the movies.  It is a step of faith we are gladly taking and we are lifting it up to our Heavenly Father.  Darryn and I will know how to love each other only because God loves us first (1 John 4:19).

And after all that, I now know who that faceless blur wearing a suit standing next to the pastor is going to be.  For the record, I also know who the pastor is going to be!  And now that I know who, we now get to concern ourselves with what our wedding will look like!